【】1. The Emotional Intelligence Badge

It's official -- and weirdly radical-- the Boy Scouts of America will now welcome girls. 。

The Scouts announced on Wednesday that it will soon drop the word "boy" from its namesake program and begin to welcome older girls into the Eagle Scouts. The announcement sent a shockwave of terror through alt-right Twitter, leading right-wing bots and Jordan Peterson egg avatar types to claim that America is dead. 。

BREAKING: It is not. Instead, the Boy Scouts reformed for the better. The proof is in these new, modern masculine Scouts badges they'll all soon have to earn.。

While the Scouts have yet to *officially* embrace these badges I just made up, they will be happening -- according to my seven-year-old cousin who promised to make his troop leader do it。 or else. 。

Scouts who are both currently serving and male: if you have any hope of becoming an Eagle Scout, you're going to have to werk for these badges. Rex Tillerson, this means you. 。

Via Giphy。

1. The Emotional Intelligence Badge。

This Emotional Intelligence Badge will be a particularly hard one to procure. To qualify, a male Scout must ask his fellow female Scout "how her day is going" and then actually listen to her reply. He is not permitted to yammer on about his own day unprompted.。

2. The Silence Badge。

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3. The Bed Frame Badge。

This badge is for Scouts who pledge to buy a bed frame in their twenties and not just throw some dumb futon mattress on the floor.。

4. The Basketbeta Badge。

To qualify for the Basketbeta Badge, interested Scouts must be able to play multiple games of co-educational basketball without throwing all their passes to fellow boy players or declaring that girl athletes aren't as good.。

5. The Whole Foods Badge 。

6. The Winter Pants Badge。

Via Giphy。

The Winter Pants Badge is awarded to Scouts who don't need to declare their masculinity by wearing shorts in the winter and demanding that they're "NOT COLD." 。

7. The Movie Minimizer Badge 。

Many young boys struggle to watch an action movie and not narrate every single detail of the movie after they view it. Scout leaders will grant the Movie Minimizer Badge to kids who successfully view a movie and choose to keep their movie summaries brief.。

8. The Ding-Dong-Dang Badge。

9. The Well, Actually Badge。

9. The Well, Actually Badge 。

Via Giphy。

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